Hello again,

It’s freezing here in NYC, and I hope you’re staying warm wherever you are.

One theme I’ve been sitting with recently is the fear of being seen for who we truly are.

I notice this in myself as something that wants me to stay hidden and out of view. From its perspective, I’m safer from the judgment of others if I remain invisible. It’s a subtle inner voice—one that advocates for staying quiet and even moralizes certain forms of expression.

And yet, I sense another truth living alongside that one.

As much as I want to stay safe and hidden, I also want to be seen.​
I want to share who I am, and who I am becoming. I want to take the chance of connecting deeply with other people.

I’d even say that to fully embrace life, we have to be fully seen.

We share ourselves to build intimacy.
We reveal our truths to stand for what matters.
We allow our ideas to be visible to create meaningful work and lives.

All of this involves risk.

So often this is where we land, held between two very human needs: the desire to feel safe and the desire to be seen.

When this tension isn’t acknowledged, it often turns into an inner battle between two valid perspectives:

“It’s scary to be honest” vs. “I want to say that thing.”
“I don’t want to be judged” vs. “I want to post the video.”
"I feel safe here” vs. “I feel stuck here.”

For a long time, I assumed the way through was choosing a side—pushing past fear with motivation and willpower, or trying to reason my way into which side was more “right.”

What I’ve learned through my work is that lasting movement comes from a different stance altogether. Resolution comes through recognition and relationship—through fully seeing ourselves first.

Now, when I notice this push and pull, I begin by acknowledging my inner reality:

“I’m sensing something in me that wants to be seen and expressed.
AND I’m sensing something else in me that wants to stay hidden and safe.”

Simply pausing to name both truths—without rushing to fix, override, or resolve them—often changes the situation. I feel more space. Something settles.

Yes. Both of those are true.

It’s as if both sides realize they’re not enemies or in competition. They’re each trying to protect something meaningful about my overall well-being. Not right or wrong. Just different.

As this inner battle softens into understanding, more aligned ways forward tend to emerge on their own.

Maybe I start by sharing one vulnerable truth with my partner tonight.
Maybe I post one video online and see how that feels.

This shift—from forcing action to cultivating inner understanding that allows action—has made a real difference for me.

If you try this yourself, I’d be curious to hear what you notice.

Warmly,
Stephen

An invitation to explore

If you’d like to practice relating to yourself this way, take one minute now (or later) to close your eyes and take a few slow breaths, simply connecting with your inner experience.

Once you feel a bit more settled, gently ask inwardly:

What feels divided or conflicted in me right now?

You might notice:

• two different impulses
• two opposing thoughts
• or a clear desire alongside a bodily sensation (a tightening, heaviness, or pit in the stomach)

See if you can acknowledge both sides, just as they are.

You might silently name them:

• I notice the part that wants…
• And I also see the part that doesn’t.

You don’t need to resolve anything.

Simply notice what it’s like to be the one doing the seeing—holding both.

You might notice something soften or release. You might notice nothing at all. Either way, you’ve practiced meeting your inner landscape with more honesty and care—and over time, that practice is quietly transformational.

If you try this, I’d love to hear what you notice.

I also made a recorded version for ease 💁‍♂️

​

How this works (optional context)

Much of my work is grounded in the idea that lasting change happens through inner relationship, not pressure or self-override.

When we meet conflicting parts of ourselves with curiosity and respect, something softens. Choice becomes possible. Movement follows naturally.

If you’re curious to explore this more, you can read a little here:
​ → Why inner relationship matters​

Words of wisdom

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

— Anaïs Nin
​
"If you choose not to find
joy in the snow, you will
have less joy, but the
same amount of snow."

— Ancient proverb

​www.iamreadyforgrowth.com​